It's great to have a weekend in Memphis to visit great friends and my home church, The Life Church of Memphis. I'm over halfway through my journey at Mercy Ministries. It's been amazing and God continues to blow me away with His unconditional love. Here is a vision I had recently:
I saw myself in a wedding dress. My Father clothed me in a beautiful white gown of righteousness and guided me to the beginning of the aisle. Then I asked Him, What is for me at the end? Who waits for me? Will I stumble along the way? He responded:
Daughter, I will walk with you step by step just like a father walks his daughter down the aisle. Just like a bride, you will feel the love and support of your Father. Though many people look on and cameras flash, her focus remains on her Prince at the end of the aisle. Daughter, my princess, fix your eyes on the Prince of Peace, your Savior Jesus. As you walk, you will feel the presence of your Father and be guided by my Holy Spirit. Find all your delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Do not be led by your desires, but be led by me. The treasures you will find at the end are even greater than your mind can imagine or ask for.
A week later, I went with Mercy to The Ramp in Hamilton, AL - amazing ministry. They talked about Jesus being our lover, but many of us have other lovers we need to divorce. I realized, in order for me to walk down that aisle and truly follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, I must divorce my other lovers - pride, guilt, condemnation, depression, success, people pleasing...to name a few. God continues to break down those walls. He is faithful to reveal anything in my heart that offends Him and cleanse me and make me new. This takes daily renewal of my mind to God's Truth. He continues to teach me how to battle in the Spirit. Here is my latest lesson:
Though others tried to trespass, you belong to Me. Nothing can take you out of my hand. Others tried to steal you and tell you I've abandoned you. Daughter, I've never left you. If ever you don't feel me holding you, it's only because I'm fighting for you. Now my daughter, as you grow stronger, not in your flesh (oh yes He knows my flesh is weak!) but in my spirit that lives inside you, you are able to battle with me. I've placed power and authority in you to resist and fight the darkness. Keep growing, keep trusting, and do not doubt what I have given you.
I'm amazed at how much He reveals to me, even in my brokenness. I've messed up so much as the enemy often reminds me. Of course, when I hear him say, "Look at what you've done. YOu should be so ashamed." I hear Jesus loud and clear say, "Look at what I have done. What I have done takes shame off of you."
As I plan my future after Mercy, this is my prayer:
"Oh Lord, I give my life to you. I trust in you, my God! Do not let me be disgraced, or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat. No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced, but disgrace comes to those who try to deceive others. Show me the right path, O Lord; point out hte road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you." Psalm 25:1-5.
Here is my prayer for all of you:
"And may you have the power to understand as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is." Ephesians 3:18.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Transformation from the Inside Out
I flew to my parent's house in Missouri this weekend. It was an interesting trip...
Earlier in the day, I had a back spasm that about brought me to the floor. I was frozen and practically had to be carried into the living room to lie down. Well, I was still determined to make my flight. I walked (like an old lady bent over and wobbling) through security. I heard God say, "ask for a wheelchair." I argued for a while, just being my stubborn self. Finally I gave in and asked. It turned out my gate was really far away. The airport employee wheeled me quickly and boarded me first. If I hadn't asked for help, I would have missed my flight. Then I heard God say, "Admit your weaknesses and don't be afraid to ask for help. I made you weak so I can be strong in you. When you display your weaknesses, I will grant you favor." I know, pretty profound for just a trivial event at the airport but something that really encouraged me.
For those of you who do not know, I am a resident at Mercy Ministries in Nashville, TN. I served full time in missions and children's ministry throughout 2008. I learned a lot and really enjoyed working for God's kingdom at a church I still love; however, I continued to struggle with personal issues. I suppressed pain from my past for years. Then I got so busy serving, that I never opened my own heart for God to heal me. I knew the Truth of God's Word, but I was too busy working for God to work with God to transform myself from the inside out. I didn't deal with the junk in my heart and grow in relational Truth (daily renewing my mind to God's Truth and choosing to rest in Him), which really sets people free. I have been at Mercy since Nov 25th, 2008 and should complete the program in a couple months. It's amazing all God has done in my life already. A big part of me wants to share everything I was dealing with and how I'm already walking in freedom, but I don't think it's time yet to share all the details yet. Of course I'm excited to share more after graduation. I am already free from self-destructive behaviors, but God is still at work on the inside of me and of course will continue to be for the rest of my life. Still, I can choose to believe the truth that I am a daughter of the Most High God and inherit His righteousness through His dear Son.
I want to share a couple of my recent journal entries over the past few weeks. God spoke to me before, but I struggled to discern His voice among my thoughts and lies from the enemy. As I chose to rest in Him, not just physical but an internal rest of trusting and leaning on Him, and choosing to obey (even grudgingly), He began to reveal more of Himself to me as I wrote His Words on paper. I've never been one to randomly write things and claim I heard God or tell people I have a Word for them without first finding confirmation through The Bible and my spiritual authority. So after receiving confirmation, I believe these messages are from Him. I also believe they are not just words for me but for others who may choose to read them. I'm also humbled that in my weakness, He truly is strong. I wanted more than anything to please Him and serve Him. Well, I messed up (of course, we all do, but my perfectionism did not allow me to believe that) and even ran from Him, fearing His punishment. When I finally stood still, admitted my weakness, and chose to draw near to Him, He drew near to me - not because I pretended to have it all together or continued on in my selfless sacrifice in my own strength. And I ask, "God, who am I that You are mindful of me?"
1-20-09
The peace and comfort and happiness you feel from other things are not real. I am real. I love you my daughter. You are precious to me as you are. Don't be scared to come to me as you often are with authority. I will not punish you. I bring correction so you will know who you are in me and not in what you do. Receive My peace.
1-21-09
You built thick walls to protect your heart. Instead of protecting yourself, you actually created a barrier between us. But no wall is too thick for me. We are breaking the walls together. Now forgive yourself because I have already forgiven you.
2-4-09
Daughter, I don’t make junk. I create precious jewels. But just like a jeweler takes a rock that may look dusty and hidden in a cave, I also pull you out of the darkness. I see the beauty hidden under the clay. Though others might not have recognized it, nothing is hidden from my sight. But daughter allow me to clean you. Allow me to chisel the muck away because that’s not the way I see you. I’m forming you now into the jewel I made you to be. And this jewel will sparkle and shine and make my name famous. Don’t be scared to show the world what I’ve made you to be. Remember jewels do not emit their own light. I’ve made you a jewel to reflect the light I shine on you. A jewel does not shine in the dark. Darkness hides the jewel. But when my light shines, all these flaws and things you hate about yourself fade away. Only my glory reflects off of you. No matter how hard it tries, a diamond cannot shine on its own. Stop trying to shine on your own. When my light shines on you, a beautiful prism of colors will come forth. This is who you really are.
-Your Healer, Redeemer, and Friend
Earlier in the day, I had a back spasm that about brought me to the floor. I was frozen and practically had to be carried into the living room to lie down. Well, I was still determined to make my flight. I walked (like an old lady bent over and wobbling) through security. I heard God say, "ask for a wheelchair." I argued for a while, just being my stubborn self. Finally I gave in and asked. It turned out my gate was really far away. The airport employee wheeled me quickly and boarded me first. If I hadn't asked for help, I would have missed my flight. Then I heard God say, "Admit your weaknesses and don't be afraid to ask for help. I made you weak so I can be strong in you. When you display your weaknesses, I will grant you favor." I know, pretty profound for just a trivial event at the airport but something that really encouraged me.
For those of you who do not know, I am a resident at Mercy Ministries in Nashville, TN. I served full time in missions and children's ministry throughout 2008. I learned a lot and really enjoyed working for God's kingdom at a church I still love; however, I continued to struggle with personal issues. I suppressed pain from my past for years. Then I got so busy serving, that I never opened my own heart for God to heal me. I knew the Truth of God's Word, but I was too busy working for God to work with God to transform myself from the inside out. I didn't deal with the junk in my heart and grow in relational Truth (daily renewing my mind to God's Truth and choosing to rest in Him), which really sets people free. I have been at Mercy since Nov 25th, 2008 and should complete the program in a couple months. It's amazing all God has done in my life already. A big part of me wants to share everything I was dealing with and how I'm already walking in freedom, but I don't think it's time yet to share all the details yet. Of course I'm excited to share more after graduation. I am already free from self-destructive behaviors, but God is still at work on the inside of me and of course will continue to be for the rest of my life. Still, I can choose to believe the truth that I am a daughter of the Most High God and inherit His righteousness through His dear Son.
I want to share a couple of my recent journal entries over the past few weeks. God spoke to me before, but I struggled to discern His voice among my thoughts and lies from the enemy. As I chose to rest in Him, not just physical but an internal rest of trusting and leaning on Him, and choosing to obey (even grudgingly), He began to reveal more of Himself to me as I wrote His Words on paper. I've never been one to randomly write things and claim I heard God or tell people I have a Word for them without first finding confirmation through The Bible and my spiritual authority. So after receiving confirmation, I believe these messages are from Him. I also believe they are not just words for me but for others who may choose to read them. I'm also humbled that in my weakness, He truly is strong. I wanted more than anything to please Him and serve Him. Well, I messed up (of course, we all do, but my perfectionism did not allow me to believe that) and even ran from Him, fearing His punishment. When I finally stood still, admitted my weakness, and chose to draw near to Him, He drew near to me - not because I pretended to have it all together or continued on in my selfless sacrifice in my own strength. And I ask, "God, who am I that You are mindful of me?"
1-20-09
The peace and comfort and happiness you feel from other things are not real. I am real. I love you my daughter. You are precious to me as you are. Don't be scared to come to me as you often are with authority. I will not punish you. I bring correction so you will know who you are in me and not in what you do. Receive My peace.
1-21-09
You built thick walls to protect your heart. Instead of protecting yourself, you actually created a barrier between us. But no wall is too thick for me. We are breaking the walls together. Now forgive yourself because I have already forgiven you.
2-4-09
Daughter, I don’t make junk. I create precious jewels. But just like a jeweler takes a rock that may look dusty and hidden in a cave, I also pull you out of the darkness. I see the beauty hidden under the clay. Though others might not have recognized it, nothing is hidden from my sight. But daughter allow me to clean you. Allow me to chisel the muck away because that’s not the way I see you. I’m forming you now into the jewel I made you to be. And this jewel will sparkle and shine and make my name famous. Don’t be scared to show the world what I’ve made you to be. Remember jewels do not emit their own light. I’ve made you a jewel to reflect the light I shine on you. A jewel does not shine in the dark. Darkness hides the jewel. But when my light shines, all these flaws and things you hate about yourself fade away. Only my glory reflects off of you. No matter how hard it tries, a diamond cannot shine on its own. Stop trying to shine on your own. When my light shines on you, a beautiful prism of colors will come forth. This is who you really are.
-Your Healer, Redeemer, and Friend
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